Picture this, everyone – games, but in the winter.
The developer Epyx released the sports mini-game compilation Summer Games for the Commodore 64 in 1984, a time when Americans had Olympics fever due to the LA games. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it was a big hit! The game spawned a number of sequels, including the “radical” California Games and this week’s Retro Roulette title, Winter Games. It’s already frustratingly winter-y here in Minnesota, so this is a frustratingly apt choice.
If you’ve played Track and Field or other similar titles, you have some idea of how this one works – there are a few different sporting events with simple controls that you can play one by one or in succession. This one also comes with a little opening ceremony:
You can’t skip this, by the way. You WILL get into the Olympic spirit, and dagnabbit, you’re going to like it. While some versions of Winter Games have up to 8 different events to choose from, the NES version has a whopping *four* of them. Oof. Let’s break them down.
“Hot Dog Aerials” is aerial skiing, but with a far stupider name for some reason. You’ll use various button combinations flip and spin around, and then hopefully land on your feet, perhaps. This one’s frustratingly brief, but it’s kind of enjoyable to try and get enough tricks in for a perfect score (which I totally did, for the record):
Next up is speed skating, which is the game’s most Track and Field-esque offering. All you need to do is alternate between pressing left and right to move your skater. Unlike Track and Field, however, you can’t just do this as fast as possible – you have to take a certain leisurely pace to actually achieve the top speed. While I appreciate that this isn’t literally just button mashing, once you find the ideal speed, there’s really nothing more to it. Also, the race takes around 40 seconds, which may not sound like much, but it’s an agonizingly long time to be doing this.
The game’s third mode is figure skating, and it’s just about the least fun game mode I’ve ever experienced. The manual goes over what you’re supposed to do here, but it was basically no help whatsoever. Here’s what it boils down to in practice – you slowly and continuously skate in a straight line to the tune of Tchaikovsky’s “Waltz of the Flowers,” and sometimes push A to fall down. After 60 seconds, you see this screen:
That’s figure skating! Just like in real life. The last even is bobsled:
Oh, I’m sorry – THE bobsled. It’s the only one. This is definitely my favorite event of the bunch, though it also isn’t especially complicated. You use the D-pad to lean your sled around turns and (hopefully) not crash, all while going as fast as possible. It may be the Stockholm Syndrome kicking in, but I kinda enjoy this one…it’s quite simple, and there’s just one track, but it’s really not bad.
To summarize – Winter Games features four mini-games that range from okay to abhorrent. Even as a big fan of the Olympics, I really have a hard time finding much to enjoy or recommend about this one. It does feature a two-player competition mode, so I suppose you can always challenge your friends to see who can be the least bad at this.
While Winter Games leaves a lot to be desired, I’d be remiss if I didn’t also mention the final release in the Various Games franchise, titled World Games. This one isn’t amazing either, but it delightfully ignores all pretense of any organized sports competition and just offers up with a whole bunch of weird things. Your options include caber tossing, sumo wrestling, and my personal favorite: cliff diving.
That’s right. There is no better way on the NES to dive straight into a pile of jagged rocks, all while a dumb looking pelican watch in horror. Thanks, World Games. You’re a real pal.
Next week, we continue our trudge towards 100 Retro Roulette games with a late-90s reimagining of an early 80s classic. See you then!