Let me tell you something, Retro Roulette-ers – 26 Retro Roulettes is a whole half of a year! With that amount of time passed, it’s about time we made it to, uh…8-bit wrestling.
I’ll never unsee this, and now you won’t, either. Dude looks like one of those State Fair butter sculptures.
I could’ve sworn this game was by LJN, a noted developer of awful video games and extremely realistic toy guns that literally got kids killed. They’re the worst. While LJN did make a couple of WWF games for the NES, this isn’t one of them – this was published by Acclaim and developed by Rare, the folks behind Donkey Kong Country and numerous other classics. Does that mean this game will be measurably better than I expected? To put it succinctly – no.
WWF Wrestlemania was released in early 1989, just in time for Wrestlemania V, an event with the incredible tag-line “The Mega-Powers Explode”:
Apparently this was held on a Sunday afternoon (what?) at a venue formerly known as Trump Plaza. I wonder what ever happened to that guy.
Anyway, the gameplay of WWF Wrestlemania is almost shockingly simple – you can choose between six different wrestlers (including Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant, and Randy Savage), and can play in individual matches or as part of a multi-player tournament. Once in the ring, you can perform a small number of kicks, headbutts, and other moves, though the movesets between wrestlers all feel pretty similar. Like a lot of wrestling games, you have an energy bar that is drained by getting hit, and letting it run down leaves you vulnerable to being pinned. Conversely, staying out of the action allows you to recover a bit. That’s pretty much it.
Also, for some reason, you can name the wrestlers whatever you want:
I’ve talked before about how the simplification of sports/other activities can make for a really interesting gaming experience, but that really isn’t the case with WWF Wrestlemania. Many of the things that can make wrestling interesting – death-defying leaps, crazy special moves, and out-of-ring antics – are simply absent. While the action is not particularly exciting, there’s still something slightly neat about pitting the likes of Hulk Hogan against some of his fiercest rivals.
There’s a prominent timer up there, but I don’t believe I ever saw it tick up (or down, for that matter). Perhaps there’s some other mode where it’s used, but that wasn’t immediately apparent.
Here’s another weird side note – partway through one of my matches, the game started playing an 8-bit version of “Pomp and Circumstance.” I have no idea what that was about, but that inspired me to do a Google image search for “WWF Graduation,” and I was not disappointed:
Wrestling!
When playing older games like this, I try to put myself in the shoes of someone who’s playing it upon its release, and who doesn’t have the last 30 years of video games to compare it to. Even with that in mind, I had a really hard time seeing anyone have fun with this. The roster is miniscule, the gameplay is repetitive and lacking in variety, and it just doesn’t feel much like wrestling.
I’m not sure about the other two things, but it’s certainly “badder” than most games I’ve played recently.
While the history of wrestling games is littered with really, really bad releases, there are a few highlights. The gold standard is typically said to be the N64 game ~No Mercy~. I’m also partial to Midway’s ~Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game~ from the mid-90s (though that plays quite differently than most wrestling games). The “Fire Pro” series from Japan is also supposed to be quite good, though I’ve never tried it. If you like wrestling, maybe try one of those out. Just don’t play this. Ugh.
Next week’s game is also an NES game, and also published by Acclaim. Other than that, they have literally nothing in common. I think. See you next week!